ALERT: Charlietalk

I’m telling Bretty about a dream I had. An unusually large cat and an even bigger dog were charging a deer in our backyard. The deer stood frozen, helpless against the angry pair. Charlie’s listening in on the story.

Bretty: “Weird dream.”

Me: “Yeah, it was bizarro.”

Charlie: “I didn’t see that deer.”

Me: “It was in my dream.”

“Your dream?”

“Yes. It was just in my head, bean.”

“In your head?”


“Do you mean in your hair?”

‘No, I mean in my mind . . . in my imagination. When I was sleeping.”

“Oh yeah, yeah. Okay.”


“Okay. But the next time that happens, I want to see that deer. You have to show me. You have to pick me up and take me with you so I can see.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”


ALERT: Charlietalk

There’s a big spider in my office downstairs. BIG. I go to the bottom of the stairs and call up to Bretty.

Me: “Bretty! Come help me catch this spider! It’s super big and I’m freaking out!”

Charlie appears at the top of the stairs, dragging a play-sword behind him. He looks concerned. The sword is at least three feet long. Taller than he is.

Me: “Daddy’s going to help me catch a big spider in my office.”

Charlie: “Is he gonna use my sword?”


ALERT: Jackspeak

Me: "I need to call my mom."

Jack: "Why?"

"I dunno. I just do. I want to talk to her. I hope when you grow up, you'll still want to call and talk to me."

"I probably will."

"Well, that's good."

"Yeah, but you'll probably be all old. Like, laying down on the couch and, like, you know… just knitting or something."

"You're right. I probably will."


"But will you still call me?"

"Yeah, I'll still call."